pie.
part two.

i suppose it's worth mentioning that this is not one of those situations where 'the air is filled with electricity' or my 'heart goes pitter-patter' or 'i feel like the king of the world.' it wasn't at all like that. this girl had grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to her apartment, and i was every bit as scared of her as i was intrigued. probably moreso. while thoughts of sex had arisen, i was still so caught up in the present that it was hardly pervasive in my thinking. certainly no more so than irrational fears of my imminent death, bondage, torture, alien abduction, etc.

when we got out of the car i briefly entertained the thought of just making a break for it. somehow i was certain she would come after me, but before i thought it out too far i realised that this was the way i always seemed to play a situation. it's a real vintage move for me to turn my heels as soon as i think a situation is getting predictable, and lately i've been fearing that i'll bring this strategy to many other walks of life. i smirked as i thought of the spontaneity involved in specifically not running away.

she looked at me intently, but without a trace of emotion that i could discern. she stopped walking, unlocked a door and said, 'in here.'

i walked into a fairly small sparsely decorated apartment. the door opened into a living room with a couch, an armchair, a papasan and a glass topped coffee table. through a large doorway was the kitchen, which was well kept. there were several jars along the counter. i thought i could identify flour, sugar, dried chiles and curry powder at a glance.

before i noticed anything further i heard a noise from the girl. she seemed a bit upset that i had turned my attention from her. a bit nervous, i said, 'so, do you have the ingredients for this pie on hand?'

she scowled. 'i'm getting a glass of water. would you like a glass of water? have a seat.'

'sure, thanks.'

i sat down. she walked into the kitchen and out of sight. i heard a cupboard open and shut. she set a glass down on the counter, turned back, came into the living room and pounced right on top of me. i was really excited by this time.

i don't think i was even aware of what i was doing. my hands crept up the back of her shirt and i rolled my thumbs around her shoulder blades, down her spine, to the small of her back. abruptly, she pulled back and stared me in the face. this went on for a few seconds, and then i asked, 'are we actually going to make any pie?'

her eyes crinkled a bit. she looked upset with me. i furrowed a brow but didn't say anything. we just sat there, looking at each other for a minute, until she turned her head sharply and looked at a wall. i followed her gaze, but there was nothing there. she stood up and went down a hall into a room i hadn't gotten a look at before. i heard the door shut. i sat in her living room, bewildered, uncomfortable and silent. i had no idea what to do.

eventually, i got up and let myself out. it was getting dark outside, and i had no idea where i was. i felt really bad for the girl, then quickly dismissed the thought, realising she was just completely insane. also that i was stranded and lost. i needed a way to keep my brain occupied. i turned toward an intersection, and the sky was still a bit orange where the sun had apparently just set. i briefly entertained the idea of reorienting myself via the sun before realising that i had no idea from which direction i had come.

i sat down on a curb, lit a cigarette and looked back on my busy day. i wondered what her name was. my guess is judy. i thought about calling amy but decided she was probably pretty mad at me.

pie.
part one.

i was sitting at the cafe with amy when she walked by, staring at me all the way to the counter. she finally broke her gaze when an employee said, 'can i help you?' but turned back as soon as she paid. i thought i saw her raise a brow and then her glass as she turned on her heels, heading for a table in the back.

i tried to return to my book, but i was far too distracted. i ended up reading the same page about three times before i finally gave up. i sat and listened to my headphones for a minute or two and tried to get my head clear, but to no avail.

eventually amy became aware that something was going on. she asked what was the matter and i shrugged her off. i got up before she could press the question and headed for the back of the cafe.

as i approached her table the girl looked up from her book with a smirk, as if to say, 'what took you so long?' i sat down and introduced myself. she seemed to disapprove, and crinkled her nose at me, maybe indicating that i was boring her already. what a letdown. she abruptly changed the subject.

'have you ever baked a pie?' she asked.

'no. you?'

'never. but i think we should try.'

'what kind?'

'cherry.' as though it had been obvious all along. she was looking straight into my eyes now. it was almost dizzying. she seemed to be getting impatient with me.

'when do you want to do this?' i asked.

'right now.'

'...i'm actually here with someone right now,' i explained. she furrowed a brow and then rolled her eyes. i could see her tongue moving in her mouth from between her teeth. it was obvious that she expected me to ditch amy on the spot and pursue this pie agenda to its climax.

i suddenly felt very defensive. it was clear she had some kind of agenda here, although the pie thing came from so far out of left field that i had no idea how to take it. was it some kind of euphemism? she seemed completely serious about it. i had an idea that if i followed through with her pie plan it would set a precedent in which i succumbed to her crazy whims. and here was the abstract fear of commitment setting in.

i offered to give her my phone number and make pie some other night. she let out an exasperated sigh, but her eyes never left mine. she looked amused and still seemed interested.

after a pause she said, 'you don't seem to understand. i want to go home with you now and bake a cherry pie.'

now there was no doubt in my mind that she was after something other than pie.

'cherries aren't even in season.' i was aware that i was fumbling. a smarter person would have realised that any advantage in arguing was long past. a smarter person would probably have either run away or would already be making pie. whatever that entails.

her eyes darted to the side, then in one fluid motion she stood up, grabbed me by the wrist and began walking briskly toward the door. amy looked up from what she was reading as we passed with a look of utter bewilderment. i just waved to her and kept walking. i think i saw her shake her head as she disappeared from view.

the girl, who had still neglected to tell me her name was wearing a long skirt and sandals. it was the beginning of spring and just starting to warm up, so it was refreshing to see. i found myself looking at her ankles as she walked. she caught me and smirked again, still holding on to my wrist.

i wondered where we were going but decided not to ask. she was clearly the one in control of the situation, and didn't have the patience for my questions. we turned a corner and she pointed to a blue sedan, saying, 'get in.' i did.

i think the car stereo was playing pj harvey but i'm really not sure. things had taken on a surreal quality. she drove very fast and never even looked at me. we were both silent for the entire ride. i was completely enthralled.

of eggs and bellies or two lies.

deep and unconvincingly shuffled into some metaphorical garden i stumble upon a carton of eggs. a voice from the heavens bids me, 'take these eggs, and do with them as you please, but do so quickly. they expire on the twenty first.'

obviously, i didn't have much time. i had to get out of the garden of good and evil and i'd probably need a skillet of some sort.

okay, that whole bit was a lie. what really happened was:

i was sitting in the bleachers of a huge auditorium. there was some kind of speech going on, but i wasn't paying attention to it at all. yes, this has something to do with eggs. just hear me out.

instead of paying attention to the speaker i was scanning the crowd for a girl i was supposed to meet after the ceremony. eventually i spotted her, along with her partner in assorted and sundry businesses. they were seated about a third of the way across the building.

suddenly, everyone around me started applauding. it wasn't very enthusiastic, and i assume the speech must not have been that good. as people started to file out i did my best to make my way across the bleachers, but it was pretty tough at first. luckily, the girl i was trying to meet up with had stayed put.

when i reached her i said hello. her neck craned around and it was obvious that she was blitzed. her friend was in a similar state of disrepair. they tried to get up to join me, but almost immediately fell back down.

two men in black suits came and began to escort them out. i tried to ask about this, but they told me to go. it was clear that there wasn't much i could do in this situation, so i made my way down to the floor of what now appeared to be a rather large gymnasium. almost everyone had cleared out.

a new speaker was approaching the podium, and he had a full brass and wind band seated facing him. i assumed he was some sort of conductor, but he was wearing a military uniform. as i approached the door, a woman stopped me and told me to listen to him speak.

he was looking straight at me when he began, occasionally panning his view across the band but mostly keeping his focus on me and the woman who had stopped me. there was a lot of bravado in what he was saying, and i remember being unimpressed. he motioned for me to join the band, but i didn't have an instrument.

he told me to walk to a table on the other side of the band and pick one out. there was an impressive array of instruments, from which i picked a trombone. there were two; i picked the one without an f-attachment. it had looked way too fancy for me and was made out of some rosy-looking brass.

as the band started playing i had difficulty sight-reading the music in front of me. i set the trombone down and made a dash for the door. the woman who stopped me was waiting for me. she told me that i did well. i thanked her offhandedly and continued with my escape.

actually, this has nothing to do with eggs and i don't even remember what happened after that.

cameos by david lynch and tom waits.

i was listening to tom waits very loudly as i pulled into the parking lot of a warehouse-style building. it was pretty dark all around, only a few other cars there, and there were two doors adjacent to each other with light in the windows.

i put the car in reverse to turn around and looked in the rearview. behind me was- i'm not even kidding- a red velvet curtain. i immediately thought of david lynch and this seemed important somehow.

i craned my neck around to look behind me without the mirror. a blue volvo station wagon was pulling up behind me. it parked in a spot perpendicular to my car and a girl stepped out. she looked very familiar. i rolled my window down for a closer look and realised it was a girl i've been haphazardly pursuing for several years now.

i turned the engine off and stepped out to say hello. she invited me into the warehouse, where about six people were pouring some sort of viscous liquid into what looked like a human-shaped mold. it smelled like chemicals. there were several wooden structures around the room, many of which were covered with a semi-transparent plastic. it was difficult to determind what was inside of them.

the girl looked me in the eyes and i thought for a moment that she was going to kiss me. instead, she invited me into an office in an alcove to the side of the large room. there was a black and white movie playing on a television inside, but i payed little attention to it.

the girl was being extremely evasive. i couldn't seem to figure out what her intentions were in leading me into this office, so i asked. she wouldn't give me a straight answer. i sat down on a loveseat next to her and we talked for a while. it felt odd and intimate, but i had an obligation elsewhere.

when i got back into the car the stereo was playing 'dirt in the ground.' tom waits has a really strange falsetto.

i drove to the art building and pulled up to the loading dock. i had to deliver something, but it was right in the centre of the building, so i ended up walking a long way. as i passed the printmaking studio i heard some familiar music coming out, but didn't think much of it.

after making my delivery, i passed the printmaking studio a second time. this time i could very clearly hear the song playing; it was something from mule variations by tom waits. i figured i probably knew whoever was playing it, but decided not to go in and see. on the way out of the parking lot i passed an ex-girlfriend's car.