another transmission straight from the goddamn ether.

click click click.

with a flurry and a flutter i am out of cigarettes again, hovering over an antiquated desktop slapped together out of graveyard parts as the sun comes up. i pat down my pockets. walk down the stairs outside car door glove box the one stashed away for months lit sucked down gone.

i pat myself on the back. i've fulfilled a desire!

if i keep going like this i'm going to be a goddamn millionaire some day.

there is this constant static going through my brain like a goddamn stockticker it scrolls by yelling, 'premise! PREMISE!' like i couldn't hear it in the first place vibrations displaced through my vertebrae i can almost feel my spine ready to collapse out of neglect, out of too much left to congeal in my brain. remember when? i was sitting in alex's living room both of us into too much acid to be much use to society him remarking about the numbers scrolling across the wall. that's how i feel right now. impulses coming from every whichway without any designations like a row of a thousand file cabinets filled with documents filed in no particular order. i could spend a lifetime trying to make this cohesive.

or:

i could finish jotting this down, hit submit and then pick up the lighter click burn suck oh yeah it goes down real easy one after another.

and in the meantime i write it all down trying to collect my thought like i could piece together some jigsaw later.

hi chinese notebook. you've been missed.